Marriage Jokes

It isn’t often that you can find a perfect match for yourself. As great as marriage can be there are still things that happen – which are great to make fun of. We have some of the best marriage jokes that might be able to help.

Singles Stand Up!

Father Henry was trying to plan a wedding during the end of the morning church service. Once he had completed the benediction he was going to ask the couple to come before the congregation for a small ceremony.Marriage Jokes

Unfortunately he could not remember their names. Instead he said, “Would the people who wish to be married please join me in the front.”

When he had said this three widows, nine single women, and six single men walked up to the front.

Shotgun Anniversary

A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye.

“Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.

He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”

Why Did You Marry Me?

Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot. He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.

As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, “it’s just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.”

“That I married you only for your money.”

Silent Argument

A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. Instead they were writing notes back and forth.

One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.”

When he woke up the next morning it was 9. He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her.

On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”