Retirement Jokes

Most people retire because they spent fifty or more years slaving away at a job they hated and need a break from it and maybe even life. They find that retirement is often times boring unless you have the money to spend all day at the golf course. As such we share these funny retirement jokes that will help you to enjoy it that much more!

Clinton’s Plans For Retirement

  • Spend quality time with Chelsea and her 10 half brothers and sisters scattered across the country.
  • Tour the prisons around the nation and say hello to a few friends at the same time.
  • Write a book that would be titled “The American Presidency: An Oral History.”
  • Buy a franchise or two of Hooters
  • Catch up on old “Penthouse” issues.
  • Develop new and improved cheating and lying skills that actually make sense this time.
  • Continue to help new interns and counsel them.
  • Stop using the fake names in the personal ads

Retirement Party

After 40 years the boss decided it was time to step down and retire from the company. On the last day of his job he decided to throw himself a farewell party. He wanted to give his employees the chance to wish him farewell and he had them all write down and express how much they would miss him on a card.

People started to write the usual sentiments like “The company won’t be the same without you” or “We will never forget you.” “I want something more heartfelt,” he said. He turned to Scott and said, “You have been working with me for 20 years what do you say?” scott picked up the card and wrote, “This is the best news I have had in 20 years!”

Retirement Speeches

  • “Gary always seemed to arrive late at the office. It’s ok though because he made up for it by leaving the office early.”
  • “It is now time that I stepped down to make room for a less able and experienced man then me.”
  • “The time to think about retirement is before your boss does.”